Sunday, July 15, 20077:04 AM

back to emoing...

whee... I'm emoing again... 何故...? Maybe it's the proverbial moodswing? nah. Mom strikes again. gee... everytime when I'm happy she has to do something evil to spoil my day. No, make that my life. See, the last time I complained about her was when? like... barely a month ago, when she's not talking to my dad. Then, i didn't know why she became mad, because the reason she gave seems so petty, in a way... And now, gee I dno wad's she mad at. And when she's mad, I suffer. Not dad, not my 2 bros. dad will just shrug everyting off, grumble abit, nag abit, shout alot. my 2 bros. they dont freaking care. jus dota, maple their life away. whatever. they'll do this all their life anyway. To think I'll be the sole breadwinner in a year's time. whee. well, hopefully dad doesnt plan on retiring... i dont even wanna go U anymore. and it doesnt matter if i wanted to anyway. I cant.

Why me? because I'm the only one that can do housework around the house. The only one that worries what happens to mom when she always goes out. Where she goes, has she eaten... arg! Im such a worrywart. *bats self* she's hitting 50 anyway. Yea, and plagued with joint pains... *faints* も！止めなさいよ！ I've had enough. Im freaking 18 and i need to worry about my future more than i need to worry about my family. It isnt right at this point of time. I should be complaining about naggy bugs, stupid otaku, idiotic s.d... my (lousy) lovelife, my friends, etc. I'm so tired of wondering where my mom goes, will she come back today/tonight/tomorrow, or not at all, where did dad and Nigel go, are they coming back, will Nigel pass his o lvls at this rate... is Jun mixing with the wrong company, why does he need a handphone (i'll give him one if i can afford it, but im afraid it'll only add to his material life), what to do about dinner, are the clothes washed and ironed... arg!

i read about this girl roughly my age, being mom to 9 siblings. I salute her and respect her. sincerely. it aint easy growing up in a crappy 'hood with a sick stepdad and a jobless mom. just wish i can have her will and determination. good luck to both of us then. i wonder what's her dream... if she has any like me. well, i had a dream. to be a fashion designer. now, im just stuck porting crappy games, studying rocket science, and hating myself. i lost my dream... nice going... *bats self harder* what am i gonna do with my life? mayb i'll just b a lowly clerk. In big boss words: "A poly student that only wants to get married would do stuff like data entry." well, i dont wanna get married yet or ever, just wanna make ends meet. maybe bugs' thinking is more like mine "just pay me well and i'll do data entry" heh... but... my pride wouldn't make me do data entry as a permanent job... screw it all...

i guess i'll only stop worrying like this when im dead. if luck is with me, i wont wake up tomorrow or ever. wish me luck...

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This is Princess Teddy