Friday, May 19, 20069:40 PM

Silence


My heart was beating, then it stopped. I somehow cant seem to restart the pulse again. I tried to blast the music, but I couldn't hear anything. I could only read the subtitles off the show. Words were mouthed to me... I'm blocking everything, all the bad things, all the sad things, I dont wanna know. I hate Hoi. He always brings me the bad news, even if I knew it all along. This sucks. I knew it all along, but I lied to myself to keep myself from breaking. So that I can fully heal, and when the time comes, I can smile and say goodbye to him. But no, Hoi had to wake me up to reality, had to smash that barrier I built around me. Arg. And it's easy for him to ask me to take action. It's not his heart shattering anyway. Bah... Hate myself. Why the heck did I lie to myself anyway? I mean, it's so clear before me, and yet I muddied my view, and create flowery dreams for myself. And added to the delusion by talking about him, as if he were mine. Geesh. I wish my cursed self can just die. As if I don't have enough to worry about already.


Tomorrow's PT. Hope to chase away this bad feeling. More importantly, hope I don't see him when I close my eyes...

nagareru namida o, toki no kaze ni kasanete. owaranai anata notoiki o kanjite - Tears, X-Japan

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This is Princess Teddy