Last night my mom took my phone. Anyway, I got it back again. The point is, I dont have freedom. Not even a teeny weeny bit of freedom... I'm suppose to like, tolerate it. Ok, so I've been doing that for 10+ years, when I realised my rights to freedom. So I can do it for 2 more years right? NO! My tolerance has its limit, just as much as I can take gross jokes from the guys.
She's my mom... How can she treat me this way? It's as if she takes joy in tormenting me in every possible way... It's as if... I was the child that was never wanted...

It's so sad, everytime I tried to remember the times where I feel my mom really care for me, but I can turn up nothing... This is sad... Everytime I try to get close to her, give her a hug, or tell her what happened in my day... She just push me aside, as if I've never existed... As if, what I was about to do would taint her...
So I made mistakes. But I'm not perfect... I can never be perfect. But I do not wish to be treated as a tainted being everytime I'm near her... Why cant she, my mother, accept me for who I am, and not what she expects me to be? I'm not her... I can never be seen in the same light as her... I'm scarred... And she doesnt want me anymore...

I'm human, I need to be touched, be loved, be needed, be talked to... But she doesnt see it that way. I'm just a property that happens to be hers. Not what she chose... Just what she was forced to have... I try to seek that need in other corners of my life, but everytime I found salvation, she'll trash it for me, and put me at my lowest peak again...

I want my mom... I want a mother that would hold me close and tell me, all will be alright, 'cos she's here to ward off the dark... Not that I'm afraid of the dark anymore... I just need to feel safe...